{like christmas morning}

It is hard to believe that I haven't posted in 5 months...that is just not right. I blame it on Instagram!
I have decided I need to get out my big camera more, and get back to blogging, since I love to look back, and it helps me journal what has been going on with me and mine...
So I am going to start back with the birth of my best surprise...my little Leo. Yes he just turned 3 months old, and is the sweetest little boy, but we will get to that...Lets go back to the day we met. (feel free to skip this lengthy story)
I had thought for some time that Leo would make his appearance a little early, since my water broke with Caleb and Nora...but alas, he decided to wait...always hard when you are in the last bit of pregnancy.
I gave in to t he fact that he was going to wait it out--June 4th was the day. I didn't have to go in for my c-section until 6, so I had the whole day to get all packed up and ready. We dropped the kiddos off at my parents and headed to the hospital. On the ride over, I couldn't help but get teary eyed..it hit me that this is my last baby, that last time that I will have this nervous anticipation, the last time that I will get to have those first sweet moments with my newborn baby. I am not sure how the time has gone by so fast that I am done having kids... Sure I am so excited to be done and the freedom that it will entail, but sad as well. Also my heart was aching for my little 2 year old Nora, who is still a little baby herself and now has to be the big sister. And even though I had been cursing the big belly for the past two weeks, I was sad that it was the last time I was going to feel those kicks and jabs from my lil babe.
Never the less we were so overjoyed to meet our little babe. We made it to the hospital and got all settled in--i got my oh so cute mumu hospital gown on,and got all settled in. Then I had a heart to heart with my anesthesiologist..I just get so extremely nauseous and sick after c-sectons, and wanted to see if there was anything we could do that could prevent that, so that I would be able to enjoy the experience. We decided to not get morphine in my spinal block and also add a nausea patch before I even went into the OR.. little did I know that it was about to be a doozy.
There are always these nervous butterflies as you are lying in the OR on the table with the lights everywhere and everyone acting so casual--hooking you up to everything and getting all prepared, and you kind of think--ok--so you have my life and the life of my baby in your hands, so hope everyone is on their A-game!
The C-section doesn't take to long--a few pulls and such and then we get to see him-- this filled out little face with the cutest little lips you ever did see. Just like Christmas morning. My Leo Thomas Miller 8 lbs 2 oz Born June 4. They wrapped up my sweet pink bundle, and Andrew came and laid him right next to me as they finished getting everything done with me. His little eyes just looking at me and it was such a sweet time. They finished up and rolled me to my room where my family was waiting. I was feeling good, and thought ok--I am going to be totally fine--I am not going to be sick this time around..hoorah!
They brought Leo in and we all passed him around and inspected all of his cuteness...then it started to hit me. Since I handn't got any morphine in my spinal, I was beginning to feel the incision, and where they tied my tubes, it was just this biting throbbing pain..it wouldn't be until 2 AM, and finally a pain pump that they would get on top of the pain. What wouldn't go away was this headache I was having. I began to realize that this was not going to be the hospital stay that I had hoped for. My head hurt so badly that I couldn't' raise my head without becoming extremely nauseous and having my head just pound with each heartbeat. It was excruciating. What else was frustrating was that nothing they ever gave me would even touch it. The anesthesiologist came in and said it might have to do with the pump and so we took that out, but it still didn't make a difference. My vision was blurry and the only relief i would get was to lay flat and put an ice pack over my head and eyes. I felt bad because I knew I was one of those patients...annoying!
A couple of days went by and I was so frustrated, and felt so awful that I just broke into tears...I just couldn't even bear to lift my head and feed little Leo..I was in agony, Finally one of the nurses said that she thought i might have a spinal headache. I had never even heard of that before. I came to find out that it is when the epidural is put in slightly wrong and it leaves you with a hole where the spinal fluid leaks out and leave you with a raging headache...and even worse my friend told me that the anesthesiologists know when they do it.. Say what? he knew and could have been helping me this whole time?
To make this long story a bit shorter i ended up having a blood patch--which is where they put blood into your back--like an epidural and it supposed to clot and stop the leak....it didn't work for me and I mustered through the first week of lil Leo's life.. was rough business...I am so grateful for such supporting family, husband, and friends. What would I have done without them??  boy we love this little boy, and couldn't imagine our family without him....the best surprise

The last couple of weeks of pregnancy..

the blurry hospital days, thanks to my sis and husband for taking some pictures when I was so out of it.